The recent Adrian Peterson story has brought the issue of spanking your child to the forefront of news and conversation. I think that’s a good thing. It’s important to constantly re-examine the status quo and reflect on our actions and thoughts. After all, as Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
My parents spanked me as a child. They were quick smacks on the butt. They stung a bit, but the lead up was always worse than the actual hits themselves. The spanking I received was nowhere near what would generally be considered “abuse” by today’s standards.
But I turned out alright. So did a lot of other people who were hit by their parents when they were kids.
Is this a good argument for spanking being an element of good parenting? On its surface, you might think so. In reality, however, that cheapens everything else that goes into being a good parent.
So while I’m not trying to play the role of a victim here, I don’t think it was right for my parents to do it. I believe that one of the reason I turned out alright as an adult is because my parents did a lot of other good things for me as I grew up. Overall, I was fortunate enough to grow up in a loving and supportive environment that had an important role in shaping me into what I am today. Were my parents perfect? Of course they weren’t, but even they would tell you that. I’d be unbelievably suspicious of any parent who said they were perfect.
Despite parents making mistakes in raising their children, they can still do a good job. This is very similar to the way economics work: you can predict an outcome of some function like prices by changing a variable and holding the rest equal. When all of the variables are in play, however, watching a single variable change may or may not predict the outcome of the price because of the effects of all the other variables.
To claim that corporal punishment for children is okay because one or some people turned out okay amounts to cherry picking and ignores a bulk of other factors. If you want to make a case that striking a child is good for their development, then actually make a case.
Addendum 22Sep2014: The discussion in the comment section helped me to clear my thoughts up a bit. Maybe it’s not best to call it cherry picking, but instead a red herring. To respond with “Well, it works” or “I turned out okay” to “Is it okay to spank your child?” is not an actual answer to the question. If your neighbor’s barking dog keeps you up at night, killing it does not mean it was the right thing to do simply because it achieved your end. Using what would commonly be considered actual child abuse could actually work for discipline, but no one would accept its effectiveness as justification. But with spanking, people seem to tend to accept it as justifiable partly because it is a generally accepted practice.
I think this article misses on the most important point. I don’t think most people who say “my parents hit me and I turned out ok” are claiming that this is a good argument for hitting kids. Instead they are claiming it’s evidence that being hit as a kid obviously didn’t screw them up. It says nothing about the merits of hitting your kids, just that plenty of people have been spanked and turned out fine.
This piece was mostly in response to a recent Steven Crowder video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ6jV9sdKnw
From my experience, most people who talk about being hit as kids this way use it to defend the practice. Of course, there are people who use the argument as you say, and that’s fine, but those people are not the audience I’m targeting here.
I just watched the Crowder video. There is one very important distinction between what he said and what you discuss in your article. Crowder said, “I was spanked (a lot), and guess what? It worked.” This is rather different than saying, “I was spanked and I turned out ok.” Crowder is claiming that spanking specifically worked, not that it, combined with the rest of his upbringing, turned him into a functioning adult.
Now, Crowder doesn’t explain why spanking worked, but there is a clear indication that he believes it had a positive impact on the way he was raised. His video focuses on the fact that spanking is not at all the same as abuse. So he probably didn’t feel the desire or need to explain why he felt that spanking worked.
“Crowder said, “I was spanked (a lot), and guess what? It worked.” This is rather different than saying, “I was spanked and I turned out ok.””
I think you’re making a distinction without a difference. As I said previously, those who say “And I turned out okay” use it as a way to show their approval of spanking, so the implication is that it works as well. Why would someone give their approval for something they do not think actually works? And I think that Crowder obviously thinks he turned out okay. I mean, if we’re going to surgically split hairs, I do think you have a case, but I think it’s more than fair to accept the assumptions I made.
The fact that Crowder or whoever believes that spanking works does not make it okay. And I’m not even ruling out that spanking *could* have a positive impact on a child, but because people were spanked and turned out okay is indicative of a correlation, not a causation.
Maybe I should have said “inspired” by that video. If I wanted to specifically comment on his video, his main point was about conflating spanking with full-blown abuse.
My main point is that pointing to “turning out okay” after being spanked as a child offers no proof that it is ethically acceptable or the best way to raise a child.
Look at it this way: almost all of us had to deal with some degree of bullying as kids. Most of us were fine despite it and it might have taught us some good lessons, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable and a good thing for kids to have to go through.
I just read your addendum and I agree with what you said. If you are to ask someone, “Is it ok to spank your children and if so, why?” and they answer, “I was spanked and I turned out ok,” this is clearly not an acceptable answer. It was not clear from the article that this was the context you were writing in.
On the other hand, if someone is talking about child abuse and claiming spanking is the same as child abuse, then the “I was spanked and turned out ok” is more acceptable. It is anecdotal, but the main point is that it says nothing about the merits of spanking. This is the context I believe Crowder was speaking in and it was originally how I read your article.
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